Spirit Journey with The Wise One and The Stars
A spirit journey is a sort of meditation. You go somewhere, experience or do something, and then you return. This meditation can also be called a trance or a visualization. This post is about my latest spirit journey, one I took in tandem with seven other gay witches.
I stretched out on the floor and prepared to clear my mind of thoughts. It so happened that I choose the physical area on the floor of Danny's home such that my head was in the front doorway of his home, that led to the front porch and his front door. It felt like an auspicious (lucky) spot to be in.
Cian's voice started us on our paths, reassuring us as we relaxed our bodies that we would be in just the right place to start our personal spirit journey when it was time to start it. His voice led us down ten steps toward our starting place and once I had arrived there a bell rang.
Donald's voice took over from Cian, and he reminded us of our chosen intention for this journey. We were to meet with the Wise One to communicate and to see and consult the stars.
A figure materialized in the distance. I knew soon who it was, one of my friends and spiritual teachers, DeeDee, who passed from this world on
January 2, 2008 exactly one week after my doctor told me that my cancer had returned. I knew that it was DeeDee because of the sari that draped his body. It was very similar to the one that he had given to me. It was yellow with the symbol for Aum on it. We advanced toward each other and embraced and I felt very loved and accepted. Part of me wanted to apologize for not being at his memorial in Kansas City and part of me wanted to apologize for a previous sin of calling he and several other elders the "old guard" on the last occasion that I had seen him. I knew that he had forgiven me for the insult and had taken no offense by my absence at his memorial, so I did not apologize, and instead I expressed my love for him.
He was happy to see me and we began walking together down a
famliar path at Camp Gaea that would eventually lead us up to the ridge above where we could observe the stars. Time was compressed as we walked this long path, but eventually we emerged from the wooded path onto the ridge under an open sky full of stars. I began to ask my questions.
First I asked him about this community. I asked him about this group of queer witches that I had shown up to be a part of. "Why did I decide to attend this group here tonight what is this group going to be all about?"
"Well," he said furrowing his brow and thinking of the most obvious answer to my question. Speaking slowly like a school teacher explaining an elementary concept, "You have something to teach them, and you have something to learn from them." The answer seemed so obvious that I was almost embarrassed for asking the question. "And" he continued, "It will give you a chance each month to spend time with people you care deeply about." Images of Donald and Connie flashed in my head. Since the other members of the group are still very new to me, I asked him about each new person and he assured me that each has something unique to teach me. I laughed at myself and agreed that these queer witches probably do have some things to teach me.
Then I turned my next question toward myself personally. "DeeDee, will I be ready for death when it comes to be my time to die?" I asked him looking into his big beautiful kind eyes.
"Oh honey that is so cute," he said, "No one is ever really ready to die." He smiled at me with his honest and kind face.
Portrait by Don KitzA great pressure relieving sigh escaped from my lungs and I knew that what he said was true. It was oddly comforting. I didn't have to worry about being ready to die. Someday I will die anyway, unprepared, just like everyone else. I chuckled audibly and thanked him for his Buddha wisdom.
I was about to ask a question regarding one of my sisters, and before I could get the words out he knew what I was asking and he said, "I thought you loved
Ganesha. You know you have to finish what you start. You can't just leave this unresolved forever. The way it is now is unfair to you and it is unfair to her. Communicate with her and tell her what you think and more importantly how you feel." I knew this was the right thing to do, I knew it before my spirit vision, but it is so hard to do some things. It was good to hear.
We stared up at the August stars above us. When I saw DeeDee in life, there were always July or August stars above at that place. I wanted to stay there for a long time with him, but in these sorts of things, time is always too short, and before one is ready you hear a voice calling you back to the present.
Donald's voice was reaching me from the room. Donald said that it was time to return and to follow the same path back that we had walked to this place.
DeeDee said, "Don't listen to Donald, let's just take the stairs." So we did take the stairs, right back to where we had first embraced, near the dining hall at Camp Gaea. We hugged each other again, and I told DeeDee how much I appreciated him and how I wish I did not have to go so soon. He smiled big and waved as he floated away and dissolved. I was emerging from my vision now like murky water.
I opened my eyes and I was in the present, in South Minneapolis, in the doorway to Danny's home.
Labels: magic, mystery, spiritual path, stars, witchcraft
Illumination
Film can be a really excellent method for communicating a story. I believe that film has become a much more important and influential medium than the more traditional narrative of the novel. I went to school to learn to write, to become "well read" and to find my voice so that I could communicate something to the world, and to those that would come after me. I am deeply touched on an emotional level more often by the celluloid and light of cinema than by the ink and text of the novel.
This gives me pause and makes me wonder about my education. All the time that I was analyzing novels and writing analysis of character development and plot structure, I thought myself so esoteric and irresponsible for not studying finance, marketing or some other area that would be "worthy of a career" -I was learning to write. I thought studying literature made me an artist of some sort, or perhaps was giving me the tools to become an artist by way of becoming a well rounded individual. In hindsight, my education was far more traditional than I would have ever considered. That education prepared me for the career that I hold today, a civil service position at a Big-Ten university. If I had gone to film school, then perhaps this would have put me in a position not to hold a responsible job, but to pursue a career in story telling. Well enough of this meme and on to what this report is really about: mortality and belief.
I received a letter the other day, actually it was not a letter, it was more of a card. It was addressed to me and my gay homosexual lover from my wildly evangelical sister Diane. My lover had opened it first. He knew that it would be juicy, and I am not sure if he was disappointed by the contents. The card was either an advertisement for Jesus, or an advertisement to see a preacher of Jesus; it asked us to attend a service on Easter Sunday. The card read:
The Jesus Legend
How much of Jesus' life really happened?
The Top Five historical
arguments against
believing in Jesus.
Are they convincing?
We invite you to join us
Easter Weekend to find out
why the evidence suggests
they're not.
A location and service times were then listed. My sister had handwritten:
To John,
You are invited!
P.S. You won't be disappointed!
Despite her overuse of exclamation points, I was not interested. I have heard this straw man argument before, trying to convince you that there is no reason NOT to believe in Jesus. This is unreasonable, I don't need a reason not to believe in something. I don't need a reason not to believe in unicorns and I don't need a reason not to believe in Bigfoot. Convincing me that I do not have a reason
not to believe something is silly. You have to convince me with reason
to believe in something. Why should I believe in unicorns? If you want me to believe in unicorns, then the onus is on you to present me with some evidence that a unicorn exists. Want me to believe in Bigfoot, then provide some documentation that this creature exists. Want me to believe in your god, then present me reasons to believe in your god. Don't debunk arguments for disbelief. Believing that something exists requires evidence. Believing that something extraordinary exists requires extraordinary evidence. Lets deal with reality rather than presenting a
straw man argument.
The most unfortunate thing is that my sister thinks that there is something in this line of flawed reasoning that is worthwhile and that will sway a thinking person.
It is also frustrating that my sister is trying to use this card as a substitute for talking with me directly. Instead of speaking with me face to face regarding something that she finds important, she hopes that her pastor will create some sort of magical shortcut to getting me to believe in what she believes in. I find that sad.
Finally, I want to touch on some of the themes that I found really wonderful in the film that JSP and I watched tonight. In
Everything is Illuminated Elijah Woods' character goes looking for some links to his family's past after his grandmother gives him a photograph on her deathbed. The photograph contains the image of his grandfather and an unknown woman in the Ukraine. The film unfolds at a beautiful pace and the audience is treated to what it is like for an American to go abroad for the first time, learning that most of the world is nothing like the USA. Eventually he finds what he is looking for, although it is not as simple as he first thought it would be.
Near the end of the film, the woman that he has traveled around the world to find offers him a physical object. Elijah Woods' character is a collector of items, so it is puzzling that he does not want to take this item, a wedding ring. The Ukrainian woman explains to him that he has not come around the world and incidentally found the ring. She asserts that he has come around the world because the ring exists. The subtle but profound difference which she points out, is that he came to find the ring because of the ring's existence. The ring was preserved and holds memory, in a sense it is enchanted. He did not just happen to find the ring, its physical existence is why he came looking for it. Even though he did not know it existed, it was why he made his journey.
This explanation gives the physical item more importance and more power than if it were an incidental find. The Ukrainain woman's perspective imbues this ring with meaning, gravity and magic. This is the kind of magic that I believe in, magic that comes from putting meaning into things and experiences, not from some external fairy-tale thundering god in the sky. I will not believe in worshiping pain and suffering, nor brand-name divinity such as "Jesus saves." I will live and die by my own search for meaning and love, and I will not accept or worship a mass marketed deity created and written down by nomads thousands of years ago. These nomads did not have running water, electricity, reliable medicine, or computers, in short they were even stupider than we are today. I'll trust my own thoughts, feelings and reasoning over theirs any day.
Happy Easter.
Labels: Easter, illuminated, Jesus, love, magic, straw man
Twin Cities Reclaiming (Ethel Me')
Let me tell you about a fantastic class that I have been participating in for the last eight or so months. The class (or path) that I have been participating in is facilitated by a man that I have had the benefit of knowing for a few years, we both have attended the
Midwest Men's Festival.
I first found out about the group through an email that Donald sent to me containing lots of information. Some of this information is copied below.
Ethel Mé – Twin Cities Reclaiming Community Offerings
Ethel Mé, the priestessing program begun in 2005, by Donald Engstrom/Reese, Paul Eaves and Teri Parsley Starnes has changed form for 2006 - 2007. The words Ethel Mé could be translated from Nordic runes (Ethel) and Sumerian language (Mé) as Clan Magic. It is this magic of the clan that we invoke for our work this year.
We will gather monthly to experience, explore and deepen our clan magic. As last year, we will meet one Saturday a month. Different from last year, there will be three paths offered in the mornings from 9:00 am to noon. [See path descriptions below.] These paths require a year’s commitment from its members... Our meeting dates will be the third Saturday of the month. We ask for a donation for each meeting.
Note: the first gathering will be on Saturday, September 16. In the afternoon, we will have the Fall Twin Cities Reclaiming meeting while we celebrate the season with a harvest feast. We invite those who claim to be Reclaiming witches and those who do not. At this feast, we will talk about how we want to move forward as a community, gathering ideas about our afternoon sessions and any other community concerns.
Elements of Magic Intensive
anchored by Donald Engstrom/Reese
One of the projects Ethel Me’ will present this coming season is a year-long intensive focused on the Elements of Magic. This program will encompass the basics taught in many standard Reclaiming Witchcraft 101 classes. However,we will explore these basics and other topics to a depth not normally allowed for in a shorter Reclaiming introductory session. In this Elements intensive we will look at, among other things, ritual design, daily practice, spell working, trance journeying, the labyrinth, Pagan prayer beads, gender work, the seven sacred voices, and many assorted elemental gifts of the multiverse.
Together we will dare to live awake, aware and with conscious intent. Together we will dare to delve deep within and without, nurturing our relationships with the Mysterious Ones, ancestors and spirits of the Upper Mississippi Valley. Together we will dare to dwell in Beauty, Balance and Delight.
This class will be anchored by Donald L. Engstrom/Reese, who each month will be joined by local and visiting guest teachers.
Participants are expected to commit to attending at least ten of the twelve Elements sessions.
Today we met for our eighth session, and it was again, a wonderful experience. I have been an atheistic mystic for a very long time, called myself a radical faerie for several years, and more recently I have begun to embrace the term "witch." I am learning old and new traditions, and I am tapping into mystery in a new way and with renewed intention.
Labels: community, coven, druid, Ethel Me, faggot god, magic, mystery, nature, witchcraft
He was happy to see me and we began walking together down a famliar path at Camp Gaea that would eventually lead us up to the ridge above where we could observe the stars. Time was compressed as we walked this long path, but eventually we emerged from the wooded path onto the ridge under an open sky full of stars. I began to ask my questions.